be sure to wear some flowers in your hair…”
Life is exceptionally good right now. In fact, my quality of life is downright enviable. Just to rub it in (in case I haven’t adequately done that yet), I’m writing this blog from the deck of my apartment in Carlsbad, California, okay? The sun is resplendent and my skin is glittering with this beautiful, bronze sheen I haven’t had since I was a kid. I’m living out the kind of perfection that others spend their whole lives dreaming about, before dying without. But, what I’ve (miraculously) stumbled into is more than just the financial means to live in paradise for the coming year. My luck incurred a superior fortune because what I’ve found is not money. And, it can never be depleted.
I won the life lottery.
Suffice it to say, this fortune was entirely unexpected, which is part of its wild beauty. It has also been quite secretive because there are (unfortunately) several people who would love to stomp out this beautiful fire. I don’t much enjoy the secrecy, but I think when life proffers some new, delicate bud, it’s your duty to nurture it and shelter it from harm (as mentioned in my first blog). This time in my life has opened my eyes to truths about myself that I somehow missed for the past 25 years. Opening my eyes has been involuntary though. Love unhinged each lid, and I exist in this divine daze. I bicycle around Carlsbad, and inhale the aroma of so many beautiful indigo and magenta flowers. Pigments explode, foods have never tasted better, and I don’t even recognize my reflection anymore. I’m a different person. After years of depression and darkness, it’s like I staggered, by accident, into the light. Into love– and, with a scientist of all people.
Falling in love with a scientist would be utter, artistic masochism were we not (and I don’t say this crap lightly) some cosmically ordained coupling. Fortunately, I’ve a penchant for light masochism, and so, as he put, we are this great “cosmic confluence.” His love is a steady mirror that elucidates all that I was missing before. He gives me everything I need to live and love my life completely. I hope I give that to him, too. And so, we share this perfect, untouchable love. With the lure of logical brilliance and calm, he calls me out of my poppy fields of poetic desire . With Hirsch funnels and Erlenmeyer flasks? It’s silly, I know. But, I think I shake and rattle him out of the rigidity of a black and white life. Together, we share the most profound love of the Pacific Ocean. Even if he is calculating the time between waves, and I’m devising metaphors for “the ebb and flow of my life,” we’re both adrift in our inextinguishable passion.
He undoes me.
I incite earthquakes of mass destruction, and he stands still. I fall back from all of that chaos. Right into him.